Becoming life's voyeur

Author's Foreword

In elementary, we had “Character Awards” given to us at the end of every quarter along with our report cards. A lot of my classmates consistently received titles such as “Most Determined”, “Most Honest”, “Most Punctual”, “Most Diligent”, “Most Silent”, and “Most Tidy”.

I could not recall what I consistently received or if I was even eligible for such dignified awards, but I can remember being awarded as the “Most Observant”.

Twice. In a row.

At that time, I didn’t even know what being the “most observant” really meant.

When I showed it to my family, my oldest brother jokingly asked “Ikaw ang pinaka-himantayon sa inyong classroom?” (“You’re the most observant in your classroom?”). I knew he meant to tease, but a part of what he said felt sour on my end. It started to not feel like an award, and I slowly realized that maybe it wasn’t intended to be one.

For some reason, being the “himantayon” didn’t feel like something that I should be proud of.

I dwelled on why I wasn’t awarded the same ones that my classmates received. I know I wasn’t the tidiest, the most silent, or the most punctual. But being awarded as the “Most Observant” seemed sad compared to what my classmates received. When they proudly talked about theirs, I tried to stay hushed about mine.

Looking back, I think my behavior warranted it. I was the type of student who’d announce it to the entire class “Si ****** kay nangalungat!!” (****** is picking his nose!) when one of my classmates would do so — a past that I am not proud of. I was a rugrat.

Fast-forward to now, that part of me never waned (not the part where I deliberately try to spot who picks their nose).

I learned how to give myself grace for being an observant person, and I wish to continuously do so.

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how this works, but in service of my love for observing, people-watching, thought-dumping, storytelling, and yadda-yadda-ing, here’s this aptly named (albeit lazily) newsletter.

I hope each post makes you fall in love with life, even atleast 1%. ❤️